


if you leave you die by my sword

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comedy, Dirty Jokes, Drabble, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Sex Jokes, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, kageyama is aroace because i say so., shitpost, we dont stan narita in this household
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: sugawara koushi added sawamura daichi, azumane asahi, tanaka ryuunosuke and 9+ more people to a chat.sugawara koushi has renamed the chat: if you leave you die by my sword .tsukishima kei has left the chat.sugawara koushi: god fucking damn it-a shitty text fic i made instead of sleepingtags will be added on the way and ill update whenever i feel like i got my shitpost juices pumping
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	if you leave you die by my sword

**Author's Note:**

> before we start this chapter is literally just a filler before i genuinely start the shit posts
> 
> so all thats gonna happen is noya is changing the usernames, ill put a list of everyone now so you know whos who:
> 
> daichi = aye aye captain  
> sugawara = todorokis right side  
> azumane = ethereal being  
> ennoshita = yahaba hairstyle wannabe  
> kinoshita = off brand yamaguchi  
> nishinoya = ultimate simp  
> tanaka = bro-in-arms  
> kageyama = socially inept  
> hinata = haha boy go jump  
> tsukishima = secret furry  
> yamaguchi = midoriya knock off  
> kiyoko = goddess  
> yachi = flower aesthetic
> 
> have fun reading my 3am writing

_**sugawara koushi added sawamura daichi, azumane asahi, tanaka ryuunosuke and 9+ more people to a chat.** _

_**sugawara koushi has renamed the chat: 'if you leave you die by my sword '.** _

_**tsukishima kei has left the chat.** _

_**sugawara koushi:**_ god fucking damn it

**_sugawara koushi has enabled admin commands._ **

**_sugawara koushi changed his and nishinoya yuu's role to admin._ **

**_sugawara koushi added tsukishima kei to a chat._ **

**_sugawara koushi:_** die.

**_read by tsukishima kei, ennoshita chikara, and 9+_ **

**_sugawara koushi:_ **DID YOU GUYS JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ON READ YOU PIECES OF SHIT

**_sawamura daichi:_** asahi got in trouble for trying to respond to your message

**_tanaka ryuunosuke:_** its because he doesnt know how to hide his phone suga you should know this

**_narita kazuhito:_** what are we talking about

_**sugawara koushi has removed narita kazuhito from the chat.** _

_**sugawara koushi:**_ we dont support l*licons in this household

**_yamaguchi tadashi:_** kageyama and hinata got in trouble becuase their phones started buzzing lmao

**_tsukishima kei:_** sucks to be them

**_sawamura daichi:_** alright as much as i love talking to you guys can we keep this for after school

**_sugawara koushi:_** aye aye captain! ;)

_3:29_

**_tsukishima kei:_** so is no one going to question why nishinoya is an admin while daichi isnt

**_nishinoya yuu:_** its because i

**_nishinoya yuu:_** actually i dont have a reason

**_sugawara koushi:_** he was the first one i saw 

**_tsukishima kei:_** you guys are genuinely the stupidest people i have ever met.

**_hinata shouyou:_** HI WAIT IS THIS A VOLLEYBALL CHAT

**_tsukishima kei:_** i stand corrected.

**_nishinoya yuu changed tsukishima kei's nickname to secret furry._ **

**_secret furry:_ **what the actuak fuck

**_hinata shouyou:_** I FUCKING KNEW IT

**_nishinoya yuu:_ **haha wait now i know a reason ,

_**nishinoya yuu changed nishinoya yuu's nickname to ultimate simp.** _

_**ultimate simp changed sugawara koushi's nickname to todorokis right side.** _

_**todorokis right side:**_ w

**_ultimate simp:_** shhhh

**_ultimate simp changed hinata shouyou's nickname to haha boy go jump._ **

**_haha boy go jump:_** accurate

**_azumane asahi:_** i got my phone back what did i miss

**_ultimate simp:_** HI ASAHI

**_ultimate simp changed azumane asahi's nickname to ethereal being._ **

**_ethereal being:_**?????????

**_kinoshita hitoshi:_** he really is the ultimate simp

**_ultimate simp:_** HUSH

**_ultimate simp changed kinoshita hitoshi's nickname to off brand yamaguchi._ **

**_off brand yamaguchi:_** pain.

**_yamaguchi tadashi:_** NWDSBJHDFBSNL GOODBYE

**_todorokis right side:_** KMAOAOEWJNDKJN

**_sawamura daichi:_** out of pocket

**_ultimate simp changed sawamura daichi's nickname to aye aye captain._ **

**_ultimate simp changed yamaguchi tadashi's nickname to midoriya knock off._ **

**_off brand yamaguchi:_** WHOS THE ONE FUCKING LAUGHING NOW

**_midoriya knock off:_**.

**_aye aye captain:_** noya change my name back right now.

**_ultimate simp:_** no<3

**_ennoshita chikara:_** why am i only seeing this now

**_ennoshita chikara:_** i just backread and wish to rewind time.

**_ultimate simp changed ennoshita chikara's nickname to yahaba hairstyle wannabe._ **

**_yahaba hairstyle wannabe:_** i hate it here.

**_tanaka ryuunosuke:_** im genuinely proud of you for thinking that

**_ultimate simp changed tanaka ryuunosuke's nickname to bro-in-arms._ **

**_bro-in-arms:_** bro....

**_ultimate simp:_** bro !!!!!

**_kiyoko shimizu:_** what

**_yachi hitoka:_** wait a chat no one told me about this

**_ultimate simp:_** OMG HI YOU TWO

_**ultimate simp changed kiyoko shimizu's nickname to goddess.** _

**_bro-in-arms:_** HELL YEAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHH

**_ultimate simp changed yachi hitoka's nickname to flower aesthetic._ **

**_flower aesthetic:_** huh??

**_ultimate simp:_** i feel like im forgetting someone,

**_ultimate simp:_** whos left say i if i forgot you

**_kageyama tobio:_** What is this?

**_ultimate simp:_** oh yeah

**_ultimate simp changed kageyama tobio's nickname to socially inept._ **

**_bro-in-arms:_** low blow

**_flower aesthetic:_ **thats a little mean

**_todorokis right side:_** dont hurt him hes trying his best ,,,,,,,,

**_socially inept:_** Huh? 

**_ultimate simp:_** dont question it kags (:

**_socially inept:_** Uh? Alright?

**_haha boy go jump:_** KAGEYAMA THROW ME SETS COWARD

**_socially inept:_** I will if you don't call me a coward.

**_haha boy go jump:_** DEAL

**_ultimate simp:_** ahem

~~**_ultimate simp:_** wait wjeres narita~~

**_Oh no, you said a naughty word! Try retyping your sentence again._ **

**_ultimate simp:_** who made n*rita one of the censored words

**_todorokis right side:_** i did and my reasoning is because hes a l*licon

**_off brand yamaguchi:_** valid

**_ultimate simp:_** seems legit

**_secret furry:_** i hate you all.

**Author's Note:**

> hi why are you actually reading this fic
> 
> anyways i think im funny :,)
> 
> talk to me at my tumblr: gargalesthesia


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